Photographer: Len Green
Monday, December 22, 2014
Monday, December 1, 2014
Friday, November 28, 2014
Spirit of Thankfulness (THANKSGIVING 2014)
Teaching our kids the act of remembering what all we have to be thankful for thus far. God has brought us through and blessed us with many miracles. To forget our family legacy of faith and God's presence would be like a crime! So we had the kids do thankfulness turkeys. And a very cool idea was put on my heart to write on stones and stack them up in a jar of thankfulness. (Joshua chapters 3-4). This is something we will now do every year as a family tradition. Your family is welcome to join us. All you need is ribbon, stones, a sharpie, and a jar with a lid. We put cotton balls on the bottom so the kids don't break the glass.
Friday, October 17, 2014
New Book~ Early Origins: Collection of Poems
Newest book available on LULU.COM! So excited about this one, her first poetry book published. This book is a journey in poetry, from Stephanie Josiah’s early childhood experiences to some of those from her as a young adult.
Creative writing at its most transparent, humorous, sick-minded, and raw.
Featuring:
Poetry, quotes, journal entries, random silly freestyles
and so much more…
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
THE PRINCESS AND THE VOID
The Princess and the Void
By: Stephanie Josiah
I'll never forget the day
Our Ariana realized her
Little brother, Ishypoo,
Wasn't coming back
It was late morning
Early winter light was
Cascading down through
Bedroom curtains
Spotlighting the hallway
With metallic starbeams
As I walked that longest walk
From bed to where he used to sleep
Just passing by - at first
Hardly looking into the empty room - until
I caught her profile
Sitting in the mix of silver-blue
And shadow
Our fast-paced, warrior
Princess sat statue-still
Such an unusual way to find her
One arm on her lap
Covering her legs
Which spilled off the side
Of the vacant bunkbed, feet hovering over the floor
Her face turned toward the indent
In the mattress; outlined with his toys
Where her other hand was pressed
And the air went out of me
The vacuum, the void
Focal point in the room
Highlighted by a grieving four year old
My proud, booming girl now
Sunken-in-slouched
pulled down by loss's gravity
An entire secret universe in a room
Space, radiant light, undeniable dark, an unseen pull
Shapes hanging in suspended
Chaos-ordered
A galactic museum featuring a wooden bunkbed-frame
Observed by a too-young girl
Realizing a piece of our
Masterpiece
Gone.
Missing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Horrible enough to be a parent burying a child.
But to be a kid, burying a sibling?
Only the strongest children get to wear these battle scars. And only the toughest families know they'll need a God-powered strength to get through a lifetime of grieving.
I dedicate this poem to my children, my friend Lauren and Mitchell's family.
Love,
Steph
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Faces by: Stephanie Josiah 2014
Faces
Not just people
But the expressions
That we meet
Places
Not just spaces
Of where we traveled
On the street
The corridors of cyber land
circles of people huddled in
Pages or groups and followers
Live interaction's subtle end
I miss the silent roar of conversation
The buzz of small talk in the air
I miss the human to human face time
Where folks say pull up a chair
It hit us hard
An epidemic called social media
Google plus, facebook and Twitter
And dang that Wikipedia!
We used to congregate for small groups
We used to gather at folks' homes
Now the libraries and meeting places
Are modern day catacombs
There's no connection
For all the WiFi
Not enough computers on the land
To bring back the days of people listening
It flew away with more broadband
A family outing at Outback
They ordered from the waiter, Bill
Then buried their heads in their cellphones
Like family time's against their will
I miss the glory days of story telling
And sitting outside on the stairs
The children yelling, playing, dancing
Folks swaying in rocking chairs
I miss the oldtime toys and train sets
The days before the batteries
Were required, not included
In our children's diaries
I miss looseleaf the pen and paper
The brand new or old hardcover smell
But now we have no time to stop in peace
In our convenient cyber hell!
What does the church of today look like?
Before we read our Bible app
We make sure it doesn't conflict
With any other cyber crap
And we pass the hoards of sorrowed faces
Not even looking and that's fine
Because charity has been made easy
We can give our gift online
I'm not saying burn your laptop
Like any tool, it has its perks
But have we traded in what made us human
And become cyberholic jerks?
Not just people
But the expressions
That we meet
Places
Not just spaces
Of where we traveled
On the street
The corridors of cyber land
circles of people huddled in
Pages or groups and followers
Live interaction's subtle end
I miss the silent roar of conversation
The buzz of small talk in the air
I miss the human to human face time
Where folks say pull up a chair
It hit us hard
An epidemic called social media
Google plus, facebook and Twitter
And dang that Wikipedia!
We used to congregate for small groups
We used to gather at folks' homes
Now the libraries and meeting places
Are modern day catacombs
There's no connection
For all the WiFi
Not enough computers on the land
To bring back the days of people listening
It flew away with more broadband
A family outing at Outback
They ordered from the waiter, Bill
Then buried their heads in their cellphones
Like family time's against their will
I miss the glory days of story telling
And sitting outside on the stairs
The children yelling, playing, dancing
Folks swaying in rocking chairs
I miss the oldtime toys and train sets
The days before the batteries
Were required, not included
In our children's diaries
I miss looseleaf the pen and paper
The brand new or old hardcover smell
But now we have no time to stop in peace
In our convenient cyber hell!
What does the church of today look like?
Before we read our Bible app
We make sure it doesn't conflict
With any other cyber crap
And we pass the hoards of sorrowed faces
Not even looking and that's fine
Because charity has been made easy
We can give our gift online
I'm not saying burn your laptop
Like any tool, it has its perks
But have we traded in what made us human
And become cyberholic jerks?
Whispers
Whatever happened to
our responsibility
our overall mission
not impossible, just unfulfilled
The corridors we navigate
littered with voices
will they echo forever
when our spirits shed these ears?
voices… whispers of other former
earth wanderers reach me
asking about my faith
and why I never shared it?
inquiries carried on puffed breezes
wanting to know why I was so loud
about Stephanie and quiet
about Jesus
wanting to know why I wasted
precious tick-tocking seconds
of hope-bringing time
to cut side-eye glances at
women on street corners, or sagging baggy jeans
or dirty wounded hands holding up signs that
read, “will work for food”
and I missed my chances to share
the only bread
I know
that won’t go stale
Is that how I worship on Sunday?
Do I swallow in the God-sized drink
of volume, rhythm, hands lifted in swaying
connection Jesus sessions
and miss the mark?
In those four walled holy jam sessions
I practiced my connection with God
but
forgot His people whispering outside
Monday, May 5, 2014
From Galaxies to Genetics
(c) Stephanie Josiah 2014
I thank you, God, that when you set us on mission we don't go alone! You have been faithful to me all my life. When I wasn't faithful, when I wasn't pursuing, when I wasn't loving, or believing... You kept your hand over my life. You sheltered me from danger. I am alive today, in spite of my enemy... Even in spite of myself because of your goodness.
If you were not good, the whole world would be evil. If you weren't divine, the world would lack inspired thought. If you weren't creative, the world would be cookie cutout copies of monotony. If you weren't a healer and protector I wouldn't be here, my sons wouldn't have made it and my mother would have died ~ten years ago. If you weren't compassionate, the cries of the hurting would go unanswered. There would be no desire for justice in our hearts... No understanding that it is even a divine need. Beetles don't need such systems put in place... Yet you even outdo yourself in the complexity of ecosystems and mechanics. You show up because you are faithful... and show off because you are able to do exceedingly more than our minds could even fathom! You make a way through shut doors, and spring forth leaders from closed wombs, you do it all from galaxies to genetics and aren't too proud to let us think we've "discovered or invented" something.
Rainbows in the skies and swirls of color in creatures' eyes. Dreams, thoughts and visions... Cellular division... Beating hearts and rhythms of the earth all tapping out a ballad to your ears. You are so invested, so interested in us. Tiny as we are... Each hair counted, each pore on our skin known... From head to toe... What don't you know?
The whole earth couldn't contain all the loving thoughts you have for me and all the ways you've jumped to my rescue or lifted me from the ground! I couldn't sing a long enough song or pen a psalm that could capture how you've captured me. I am totally yours, I was yours when you made me. But you didn't force me, you wooed me! You sang me to sleep in your arms.
You are such a good and amazing Father, such a defender and lover of my soul! You even love me enough to not do everything for me. You offer me joy and give me tools to take it... You offer me peace, and gift me with your Word as I study and commit to time in closeness with you, you don't spoon feed me wisdom... You let my bumps and bruises remind me of my limits. You map out a road for me but get tickled when I go in circles because I tuned you out. You hate seeing me on the floor defeated, but you won't always drag me toward victory. You say, "get up, come to me, remember... You and I have been through hardships before... Today I'm not carrying you, today I'm going to show you that my Spirit is in you and you can walk in my Spirit, and you can run and dance in my Spirit... And you can fly over this pit!"
You already know how great you are, but you love it when I see it! You aren't too proud to let me be oblivious of your goodness. You care too much to let me miss you being everything you are.
You can't stop being amazing, you can't stop being loving! How many times did I say I was yours - not realizing just how powerful and transformational being yours is?
And you let me learn more of it every day!
#JustWow!
I thank you, God, that when you set us on mission we don't go alone! You have been faithful to me all my life. When I wasn't faithful, when I wasn't pursuing, when I wasn't loving, or believing... You kept your hand over my life. You sheltered me from danger. I am alive today, in spite of my enemy... Even in spite of myself because of your goodness.
If you were not good, the whole world would be evil. If you weren't divine, the world would lack inspired thought. If you weren't creative, the world would be cookie cutout copies of monotony. If you weren't a healer and protector I wouldn't be here, my sons wouldn't have made it and my mother would have died ~ten years ago. If you weren't compassionate, the cries of the hurting would go unanswered. There would be no desire for justice in our hearts... No understanding that it is even a divine need. Beetles don't need such systems put in place... Yet you even outdo yourself in the complexity of ecosystems and mechanics. You show up because you are faithful... and show off because you are able to do exceedingly more than our minds could even fathom! You make a way through shut doors, and spring forth leaders from closed wombs, you do it all from galaxies to genetics and aren't too proud to let us think we've "discovered or invented" something.
Rainbows in the skies and swirls of color in creatures' eyes. Dreams, thoughts and visions... Cellular division... Beating hearts and rhythms of the earth all tapping out a ballad to your ears. You are so invested, so interested in us. Tiny as we are... Each hair counted, each pore on our skin known... From head to toe... What don't you know?
The whole earth couldn't contain all the loving thoughts you have for me and all the ways you've jumped to my rescue or lifted me from the ground! I couldn't sing a long enough song or pen a psalm that could capture how you've captured me. I am totally yours, I was yours when you made me. But you didn't force me, you wooed me! You sang me to sleep in your arms.
You are such a good and amazing Father, such a defender and lover of my soul! You even love me enough to not do everything for me. You offer me joy and give me tools to take it... You offer me peace, and gift me with your Word as I study and commit to time in closeness with you, you don't spoon feed me wisdom... You let my bumps and bruises remind me of my limits. You map out a road for me but get tickled when I go in circles because I tuned you out. You hate seeing me on the floor defeated, but you won't always drag me toward victory. You say, "get up, come to me, remember... You and I have been through hardships before... Today I'm not carrying you, today I'm going to show you that my Spirit is in you and you can walk in my Spirit, and you can run and dance in my Spirit... And you can fly over this pit!"
You already know how great you are, but you love it when I see it! You aren't too proud to let me be oblivious of your goodness. You care too much to let me miss you being everything you are.
You can't stop being amazing, you can't stop being loving! How many times did I say I was yours - not realizing just how powerful and transformational being yours is?
And you let me learn more of it every day!
#JustWow!
Friday, March 14, 2014
FRU!T
Fru!t
(c) "Stephy Jay" 2014
Because of DNA
Divine
Natural
Attachment
I catch myself spinning
in 3rd person...
One speck of glitter
On the celestial marble
Aware of how tiny
How bright and noticeable
I am
a golden apple
Dropped from your throne
Fruit of your tree
Connected to your nutritional tissue with every Word
The attachment is profound
With each of us
Both seen and unseen so very real
Woven with fibers of breath and light
I feel it deeper
However painful and unnatural for human tissue
Stretched upward
Still connected
To my fruit
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(c) "Stephy Jay" 2014
Because of DNA
Divine
Natural
Attachment
I catch myself spinning
in 3rd person...
One speck of glitter
On the celestial marble
Aware of how tiny
How bright and noticeable
I am
a golden apple
Dropped from your throne
Fruit of your tree
Connected to your nutritional tissue with every Word
The attachment is profound
With each of us
Both seen and unseen so very real
Woven with fibers of breath and light
I feel it deeper
However painful and unnatural for human tissue
Stretched upward
Still connected
To my fruit
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A Facebook post from FEB. 18TH, 2014
My brain hurts... I just finished the preface and first chapter of "Spiritual Leadership" and it was like seeing everything that ever troubled me in high def. The world is hurting for leaders who love passionately, live in transparency, and act according to the principles they claim to follow. How to better the leadership when the world is already overrun with mega-prosperity-but low spiritual imp...act churches and falsehoods oozing from within the staff/leadership teams... Would best begin by a true acknowledgement of who we are vs. Who God is. If we remove ourselves from the throne and realize we would have nothing if not for God... We would operate out of thankfulness to Him and glorify Him instead of trying to glorify ourselves...
My non-Christian friends aren't fooled, they know we have faults. It is our self-righteousness and masks that disgust them... Not our weaknesses. It is our love of self that prevents our ability to lead or be influential. In our imperfections we can still point upward and say... Follow me because I love you and any good in me and any love you feel from me and see in my actions is from what God has put in my heart.
New leadership begins first by returning to our first truth... God is God and we are not.
Nothing we do will be of any importance to the kingdom until we first master this!
At the click of a button the world can learn what it wants about God... But we are the face He chose and that face hasn't been so lovely, compassionate, welcoming, trustworthy, or been a blessing to others... Is it any wonder why the world is bleeding out for spiritual healing but hates the thought of going to church?
Not all leadership is corrupt... But with all eyes on us (despite the gospel of tolerance being king in the 21st century) we cannot afford to be dishonest! We are supposed to be representing the truth!
Soapbox...step down...
My non-Christian friends aren't fooled, they know we have faults. It is our self-righteousness and masks that disgust them... Not our weaknesses. It is our love of self that prevents our ability to lead or be influential. In our imperfections we can still point upward and say... Follow me because I love you and any good in me and any love you feel from me and see in my actions is from what God has put in my heart.
New leadership begins first by returning to our first truth... God is God and we are not.
Nothing we do will be of any importance to the kingdom until we first master this!
At the click of a button the world can learn what it wants about God... But we are the face He chose and that face hasn't been so lovely, compassionate, welcoming, trustworthy, or been a blessing to others... Is it any wonder why the world is bleeding out for spiritual healing but hates the thought of going to church?
Not all leadership is corrupt... But with all eyes on us (despite the gospel of tolerance being king in the 21st century) we cannot afford to be dishonest! We are supposed to be representing the truth!
Soapbox...step down...
WHAT WILL YOU SAY?
I am a child of God, so I've come to tell you that depression is NOT our inheritance... Hopelessness is NOT our inheritance... Chaos and confusion are NOT your inheritance... Hostility and offense are NOT our inheritance...
JOY is, BELIEF, HOPE, PEACE AND WISDOM... GRACE toward others and ourselves are all our inheritance. The ability to stand up and be counted when someone is hurting... To show compassion, to stand for what is right, to call for correction and the ability to give wise counsel... To encourage... To speak words of life into dead places because He is in us... That is our inheritance.
What will you claim?
This BREAKING FREE study is growing me closer to the truth of who I am. God didn't make me to be junk... So why, in all my anxiety and fear... Depression and doubt... Have I owned titles that were not mine?
What title do you respond to?
If I hear a whisper in the wind that says I am to be called "worthless", "abandoned" or "unloved" haha! I'll laugh...
"You must have the wrong number!" I'll say...
What will you say?
JOY is, BELIEF, HOPE, PEACE AND WISDOM... GRACE toward others and ourselves are all our inheritance. The ability to stand up and be counted when someone is hurting... To show compassion, to stand for what is right, to call for correction and the ability to give wise counsel... To encourage... To speak words of life into dead places because He is in us... That is our inheritance.
What will you claim?
This BREAKING FREE study is growing me closer to the truth of who I am. God didn't make me to be junk... So why, in all my anxiety and fear... Depression and doubt... Have I owned titles that were not mine?
What title do you respond to?
If I hear a whisper in the wind that says I am to be called "worthless", "abandoned" or "unloved" haha! I'll laugh...
"You must have the wrong number!" I'll say...
What will you say?
IF I HAVE NOT LOVE...
I read that "If I have not love... I am nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate..." "If I come close to you with my mouth full of praises but I don't care for my neighbor my words and my actions are hollow." (Paraphrases)
I would be a clay soldier... Lifeless, not fit for battle. My emptiness, my incompleteness;the sole goal of my enemy; fulfilled. Redeemed and then bound again...
To find pure an...d righteous love and not LIVE it, is to spit on my inheritance.
Are we sitting on the fence still about what we are called to do?
We are called to love and if our actions don't show love... Who is our king? I am who I am in actions... Not just in words. He says He is "the I Am", (the ultimate example of living it) and all of His titles are backed by action.
He doesn't breathe it if He cannot bleed it.
#FoodForThought
#LiveWhatYouSayYouAre
#ChurchOfActs
I would be a clay soldier... Lifeless, not fit for battle. My emptiness, my incompleteness;the sole goal of my enemy; fulfilled. Redeemed and then bound again...
To find pure an...d righteous love and not LIVE it, is to spit on my inheritance.
Are we sitting on the fence still about what we are called to do?
We are called to love and if our actions don't show love... Who is our king? I am who I am in actions... Not just in words. He says He is "the I Am", (the ultimate example of living it) and all of His titles are backed by action.
He doesn't breathe it if He cannot bleed it.
#FoodForThought
#LiveWhatYouSayYouAre
#ChurchOfActs
Beth Moore... Breaking Free - my study update
Just finished Breaking Free, Week 5, day 3 and all I can say is just, "wow".
Everywhere I turn I keep hearing these words, "He is so faithful." In the study time today, "God is faithful." In unexpected conversations with people, "God is faithful."
And you know why I have needed to hear this over and over? From so many people, places, things, and even my own inner thoughts...
It is because a mothe...r who prays multiple times a day for the healing of her son, for the survival of her son... A woman who believes God for miracles and healing and has seen Him work several in her own lifetime... A woman like that gets attacked with feelings and thoughts like, "Well, God doesn't care huh? Where was he when...? Why did he let that happen to you when you love him so much? How could you possibly think he is still good and loving? Wouldn't a loving God move heaven and earth to heal your son?" A worldful of hurt and a headful of crappy, attacking thoughts. And I now have the tool to shut my adversary up.
My God is so faithful! To answer his questions: God cares for me (I know because He has scraped me up off the concrete every time an abuser stomped me down, protected me when I didn't even care to protect myself. Walked with me one night through a group of men that were taunting me; promising me a good time... Not one hair on my head harmed!) He is ALWAYS with me. He has allowed things to happen to me, but He didn't design those things. But countless times He stood around me and shielded me from so much worse! He is good and loving, even when I wasn't good and loving to Him. And my son is 100% healed... He would have been healed sooner but God gave him strength and joy to enjoy time here with us. Do you have the power to do that? You only destroy what He creates, taunt what He uplifts, warp what He establishes, and hate what He loves. I'm living proof that God is faithful. My whole life, a testimony to that. It is you who have not been for me... It is you who hates me... All my faults you hurl at me but you forget one thing... I've already been forgiven... And you and all you are about... Will soon be forgotten!
A.to.the.men!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ PS~
I've seen a lot of Christians fussing on FaceBook about how sad they are... How depressed they are... How lonely and messed up they are.
The truth is cool, I would never knock honesty. But I don't see many days of hope and joy being shown... if God is with you and you are lonely... Maybe speak with Him? Surround yourself with good company. If God is healer and restorer... Why not let Him get into the messiness and emptiness? What would you stand to lose if you woke up, opened the curtains and let in the light? Folks, I understand pain... I'm pressing toward thirty years old but have lived a hundred years or more in heartbreaking experiences... And I still refuse to curl up in a ball - now why is that?
Because God is faithful. When we believe it fully and believe Him fully... Our lives can't help but shine.
We were made to show the glory of God. If He is in us, but our lives are dark and hopeless... We should double-check on who is really in us. Don't claim anything that isn't His will for your life... Joy, peace, understanding, light, hope, grace, forgiveness...
I'm just saying, why would anyone want the God you have... If you won't even believe Him for daily joy. Unhappy Christianity... Yep, very attractive to the masses. Also, I'm pretty sure that's oxymoronic
Everywhere I turn I keep hearing these words, "He is so faithful." In the study time today, "God is faithful." In unexpected conversations with people, "God is faithful."
And you know why I have needed to hear this over and over? From so many people, places, things, and even my own inner thoughts...
It is because a mothe...r who prays multiple times a day for the healing of her son, for the survival of her son... A woman who believes God for miracles and healing and has seen Him work several in her own lifetime... A woman like that gets attacked with feelings and thoughts like, "Well, God doesn't care huh? Where was he when...? Why did he let that happen to you when you love him so much? How could you possibly think he is still good and loving? Wouldn't a loving God move heaven and earth to heal your son?" A worldful of hurt and a headful of crappy, attacking thoughts. And I now have the tool to shut my adversary up.
My God is so faithful! To answer his questions: God cares for me (I know because He has scraped me up off the concrete every time an abuser stomped me down, protected me when I didn't even care to protect myself. Walked with me one night through a group of men that were taunting me; promising me a good time... Not one hair on my head harmed!) He is ALWAYS with me. He has allowed things to happen to me, but He didn't design those things. But countless times He stood around me and shielded me from so much worse! He is good and loving, even when I wasn't good and loving to Him. And my son is 100% healed... He would have been healed sooner but God gave him strength and joy to enjoy time here with us. Do you have the power to do that? You only destroy what He creates, taunt what He uplifts, warp what He establishes, and hate what He loves. I'm living proof that God is faithful. My whole life, a testimony to that. It is you who have not been for me... It is you who hates me... All my faults you hurl at me but you forget one thing... I've already been forgiven... And you and all you are about... Will soon be forgotten!
A.to.the.men!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ PS~
I've seen a lot of Christians fussing on FaceBook about how sad they are... How depressed they are... How lonely and messed up they are.
The truth is cool, I would never knock honesty. But I don't see many days of hope and joy being shown... if God is with you and you are lonely... Maybe speak with Him? Surround yourself with good company. If God is healer and restorer... Why not let Him get into the messiness and emptiness? What would you stand to lose if you woke up, opened the curtains and let in the light? Folks, I understand pain... I'm pressing toward thirty years old but have lived a hundred years or more in heartbreaking experiences... And I still refuse to curl up in a ball - now why is that?
Because God is faithful. When we believe it fully and believe Him fully... Our lives can't help but shine.
We were made to show the glory of God. If He is in us, but our lives are dark and hopeless... We should double-check on who is really in us. Don't claim anything that isn't His will for your life... Joy, peace, understanding, light, hope, grace, forgiveness...
I'm just saying, why would anyone want the God you have... If you won't even believe Him for daily joy. Unhappy Christianity... Yep, very attractive to the masses. Also, I'm pretty sure that's oxymoronic
Thursday, March 13, 2014
My Territory
My Territory
By: Stephanie Josiah (c) 2014
I'm not renting space
This time and place was given
My territory, my responsibility
To develop and protect
I'm stretching my fingers and toes
To the four corners...
I will know the soil - capture the grit under my nails
Cultivate the grounds
Put down deep roots, dig wells
The generations after
Will dance among my olives and oaks
Swing on thick branches
Lace their shoes in swaying shade
And drink in the freckled sunlight
Their place in time made easier
because when fear would have made me move
I reached my hands up in the air
Planted my feet
Deep into the ground and
Made like a tree
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*you see, I can't afford to make believe when I say I am a child of God. I can't raise my hands and cry out and put in zero work... Build zero relationship. I will not teach my children the tame, man-made religion of religion for religious sake... Weighed down by rules He'd never stand for. Naivety as peace... Country clubbing as kingdom building... Fear as submission to confusion and chaos. I will not teach my children to silence the outcast or afflicted... To shame them or accuse them of bitterness when they have been abused or held captive.
I will teach my children about abundant life, spiritual borders... With no physical limitations. They will not sit because dancing is being too odd for God. They will not follow blindly. I'm claiming for them the lives they were meant to have here. They will be free indeed or I'll die trying. They will love harder than me, stand up for truth and justice stronger than me, speak more words straight from God's heart than I could even fathom... Because I won't make it difficult for them to believe in who they were made to be. I will not doubt their giftings, control how the Holy Spirit leads them or uses them... I will cherish their differences... Lift up their weaknesses and press behind them to step forward when shame or fear would make them retreat.
I will build them up because kingdom building is not about a building. It is about the people... It is about calling out people to freedom in Christ and holding those who dare claim leadership accountable for the sake of their own skin. To look in the mirror every day and say, "what can I do?" Before I send another person to the front lines?.. To look in my own backyard and feed the unfed before I brag of feeding nations I've never visited...
What am I doing as a mother of God's beloved children and a daughter of the King if love and liberty are not first falling words from my lips?
And I'm by no means bragging. I'll have to shake off my own dark thoughts, shame, and physical afflictions every day before I can even step into the first few hours of the day. I'll have to ask God to keep me in check because I am so passionate that words can cut without self-healing. I'll have to ignore every untrue word others will say of me because I make them uncomfortable and find satisfaction in God for friendship and light in dark and lonely seasons... But I will still stand. I will still instruct. I will still encourage you to live free. Because God is in me and "Greater is He that is in me..."
step up and claim your inheritance!
By: Stephanie Josiah (c) 2014
I'm not renting space
This time and place was given
My territory, my responsibility
To develop and protect
I'm stretching my fingers and toes
To the four corners...
I will know the soil - capture the grit under my nails
Cultivate the grounds
Put down deep roots, dig wells
The generations after
Will dance among my olives and oaks
Swing on thick branches
Lace their shoes in swaying shade
And drink in the freckled sunlight
Their place in time made easier
because when fear would have made me move
I reached my hands up in the air
Planted my feet
Deep into the ground and
Made like a tree
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*you see, I can't afford to make believe when I say I am a child of God. I can't raise my hands and cry out and put in zero work... Build zero relationship. I will not teach my children the tame, man-made religion of religion for religious sake... Weighed down by rules He'd never stand for. Naivety as peace... Country clubbing as kingdom building... Fear as submission to confusion and chaos. I will not teach my children to silence the outcast or afflicted... To shame them or accuse them of bitterness when they have been abused or held captive.
I will teach my children about abundant life, spiritual borders... With no physical limitations. They will not sit because dancing is being too odd for God. They will not follow blindly. I'm claiming for them the lives they were meant to have here. They will be free indeed or I'll die trying. They will love harder than me, stand up for truth and justice stronger than me, speak more words straight from God's heart than I could even fathom... Because I won't make it difficult for them to believe in who they were made to be. I will not doubt their giftings, control how the Holy Spirit leads them or uses them... I will cherish their differences... Lift up their weaknesses and press behind them to step forward when shame or fear would make them retreat.
I will build them up because kingdom building is not about a building. It is about the people... It is about calling out people to freedom in Christ and holding those who dare claim leadership accountable for the sake of their own skin. To look in the mirror every day and say, "what can I do?" Before I send another person to the front lines?.. To look in my own backyard and feed the unfed before I brag of feeding nations I've never visited...
What am I doing as a mother of God's beloved children and a daughter of the King if love and liberty are not first falling words from my lips?
And I'm by no means bragging. I'll have to shake off my own dark thoughts, shame, and physical afflictions every day before I can even step into the first few hours of the day. I'll have to ask God to keep me in check because I am so passionate that words can cut without self-healing. I'll have to ignore every untrue word others will say of me because I make them uncomfortable and find satisfaction in God for friendship and light in dark and lonely seasons... But I will still stand. I will still instruct. I will still encourage you to live free. Because God is in me and "Greater is He that is in me..."
step up and claim your inheritance!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Rejection's Reflection
(c) Stephanie Josiah 2014
When I buy into the lie that my name is "rejected"... I join forces with my adversary. He and an angry version of myself stand together through a fake reflection; haunting... taunting me with words like "I am alone"... "I am unloved"... "I am unwanted"... "I can never be good enough or amount to anything"... "people don't get me"...
Oddly enough, there are times when the false mirror is clearer t...han what I should know in my own heart and mind. I've had countless times when, even though I can't see God, I could feel His arms wrapped around me... I could hear His clear thoughts about me... I could see His amazing wonders and miracles in puffs of air pressed out in the grunts of my Ishypoo and in the daily hilariousness of my children, family, and friends.
So why?!!!
Why is it that there have been and are times when I couldn't be more convinced that the devilish image is true... I'm all alone? Even picked on by my own self!? A reflection of truth??? LOL on the other side of that crappy excuse for a reflection of who I am... is a woman standing almost six feet tall, with God's arms around her... with His light in her heart... with friends and family who love her more deeply than all the words and all their worth!
How amazing God is, that He doesn't slap me upside my face or shake me back into reality. He just whispers, "You are mine... you are loved... you are not alone, not EVER!... you were planned... you are accepted... you are adopted... you are my child... you are beautiful... you are wanted... you are cherished... you are a blessing to me... you matter more than you could ever understand... and I'm God... but I mean, hey... that's just what lil' ol' me thinks. Just YahWeh here... just checking in with my ol' two cents. But I mean hey... believe that stupid mirror that you know is a lie... I'll still be here, counting your tears and singing over you..."
I can be my own best bully. Evil-fake-Steph, glaring through the glass that others held up; believing a clear enemy... believing all the lies you were ever told... from now on... I'll just let God and His words hold up my reflection, thank you very much
Oddly enough, there are times when the false mirror is clearer t...han what I should know in my own heart and mind. I've had countless times when, even though I can't see God, I could feel His arms wrapped around me... I could hear His clear thoughts about me... I could see His amazing wonders and miracles in puffs of air pressed out in the grunts of my Ishypoo and in the daily hilariousness of my children, family, and friends.
So why?!!!
Why is it that there have been and are times when I couldn't be more convinced that the devilish image is true... I'm all alone? Even picked on by my own self!? A reflection of truth??? LOL on the other side of that crappy excuse for a reflection of who I am... is a woman standing almost six feet tall, with God's arms around her... with His light in her heart... with friends and family who love her more deeply than all the words and all their worth!
How amazing God is, that He doesn't slap me upside my face or shake me back into reality. He just whispers, "You are mine... you are loved... you are not alone, not EVER!... you were planned... you are accepted... you are adopted... you are my child... you are beautiful... you are wanted... you are cherished... you are a blessing to me... you matter more than you could ever understand... and I'm God... but I mean, hey... that's just what lil' ol' me thinks. Just YahWeh here... just checking in with my ol' two cents. But I mean hey... believe that stupid mirror that you know is a lie... I'll still be here, counting your tears and singing over you..."
I can be my own best bully. Evil-fake-Steph, glaring through the glass that others held up; believing a clear enemy... believing all the lies you were ever told... from now on... I'll just let God and His words hold up my reflection, thank you very much
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Words of Encouragement to a Friend
(c) Stephanie Josiah 2014
I find when I pay too much attention to what is going wrong... I miss all that is going right. Let's see now: you woke up this morning - with a pulse, in a warm bed, in a house -sheltered from the cold, surrounded by a family that loves you, had a choice to drive one car or take public transportation...or choose from two or more cars... to get to work (never a cold walk in the snow)...food in your belly, layers of clothes on... God sang over you as you slept - is currently singing over you now (you just aren't enjoying it because you've been distracted)... With so much going on that is so right... I'd say you already have more than enough reason to start praising, to start speaking aloud all of your blessings.
Then add on what you have already been pulled through before, in your past, health scares... Scrapes, falls, crashes... Angels taking the bigger blows for you because you have such a divine purpose they don't want your vessel taken out of the game early... Add that to your previous reasons to praise and you could be turning on the radio or singing worship songs to dance to.
Sermon summary LOL. GOD loves you and has given you so much. But your adversary wants you distracted, disconnected and disgruntled. He is literally inhabiting your happiness, peace and joy. You gonna let him get away with that? Don't you dare. Sing and keep singing, dance and keep dancing, believe and keep believing... I say this to both you and me. We are blessed!
I find when I pay too much attention to what is going wrong... I miss all that is going right. Let's see now: you woke up this morning - with a pulse, in a warm bed, in a house -sheltered from the cold, surrounded by a family that loves you, had a choice to drive one car or take public transportation...or choose from two or more cars... to get to work (never a cold walk in the snow)...food in your belly, layers of clothes on... God sang over you as you slept - is currently singing over you now (you just aren't enjoying it because you've been distracted)... With so much going on that is so right... I'd say you already have more than enough reason to start praising, to start speaking aloud all of your blessings.
Then add on what you have already been pulled through before, in your past, health scares... Scrapes, falls, crashes... Angels taking the bigger blows for you because you have such a divine purpose they don't want your vessel taken out of the game early... Add that to your previous reasons to praise and you could be turning on the radio or singing worship songs to dance to.
Sermon summary LOL. GOD loves you and has given you so much. But your adversary wants you distracted, disconnected and disgruntled. He is literally inhabiting your happiness, peace and joy. You gonna let him get away with that? Don't you dare. Sing and keep singing, dance and keep dancing, believe and keep believing... I say this to both you and me. We are blessed!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
New Year 2014
(c) Stephanie Josiah 2014
I am no psychic... But I can tell you, if you go into the new year doing the same crappy things... The new year will be no better for you than the old.
A new year is not a magic wand to fix your problems. You have to put in work to get back results. You have to put in joy, peace, love, grace, and forgiveness to get back satisfaction and peace of mind.
Ma...ny people are hurting because they are believing the lie that this is as good as it gets... This is as good as they get... There's no use in trying to be something we aren't. Well, a liar has had you pretending to be broken all this time... Had you buy the t-shirt, had you pick the losing team, had you play the sad, whoa is me lonely records for so long that you believed that is who you are... Then that monster convinced you that faking joy until you make it wouldn't be sincere...
We were born to have joy, we were created to have peace of mind and I, for one, am tired of wearing a shirt that says loser... Shrugging my shoulders and believing that filthy freaking garbage that THAT is who I really was all along.
We have light in us. We have words of truth in us! In each of us is a power and a strength to make all of hell furious and all of Heaven rejoice. In Jesus we have the power to remind people of who they were made to be... Who they really are and what they are really capable of.
So 2014 is here, New canvas, New page... A clear bookmarked chapter in the story of our lives. Switchfoot said it best, "this is your life, are you who you want to be?" If you cannot answer back with an honest yes... Then you and I have work to do.
If you've seen any truth drop out of my mouth and thought, "oh that's pretty" and went on hating yourself or your circumstances... At least remember this. There is more of that truth about you in His word... There is more of that truth about you ready to be discovered in Him. It isn't easy for me to believe the truth either sometimes... But I've had a lot of clearly bookmarked chapters... A lot of dog-earred pages in my own walk that lets me know, without a doubt, who He is and who I really am. I am a beloved child of the King. I have victory... Loved past my faults and imperfections... And so are you! The most collosal being in all of HIStory ... Shoot, He created history... Takes time out of all He is doing to sing over me, to whisper how much He loves me, to pick me up, dust me off, kiss a booboo and lead me forward when I don't even want to be kind to myself! There must be something special about each of us, there has to be. Look at my broken son... Even he brought a message, even he changed my entire world. He is in my thoughts every minute of every day... What a little catalyst! What kind of awesome is somebody trying to keep each of us from?
I won't settle anymore.
Let's not settle anymore!
<3 U!
I am no psychic... But I can tell you, if you go into the new year doing the same crappy things... The new year will be no better for you than the old.
A new year is not a magic wand to fix your problems. You have to put in work to get back results. You have to put in joy, peace, love, grace, and forgiveness to get back satisfaction and peace of mind.
Ma...ny people are hurting because they are believing the lie that this is as good as it gets... This is as good as they get... There's no use in trying to be something we aren't. Well, a liar has had you pretending to be broken all this time... Had you buy the t-shirt, had you pick the losing team, had you play the sad, whoa is me lonely records for so long that you believed that is who you are... Then that monster convinced you that faking joy until you make it wouldn't be sincere...
We were born to have joy, we were created to have peace of mind and I, for one, am tired of wearing a shirt that says loser... Shrugging my shoulders and believing that filthy freaking garbage that THAT is who I really was all along.
We have light in us. We have words of truth in us! In each of us is a power and a strength to make all of hell furious and all of Heaven rejoice. In Jesus we have the power to remind people of who they were made to be... Who they really are and what they are really capable of.
So 2014 is here, New canvas, New page... A clear bookmarked chapter in the story of our lives. Switchfoot said it best, "this is your life, are you who you want to be?" If you cannot answer back with an honest yes... Then you and I have work to do.
If you've seen any truth drop out of my mouth and thought, "oh that's pretty" and went on hating yourself or your circumstances... At least remember this. There is more of that truth about you in His word... There is more of that truth about you ready to be discovered in Him. It isn't easy for me to believe the truth either sometimes... But I've had a lot of clearly bookmarked chapters... A lot of dog-earred pages in my own walk that lets me know, without a doubt, who He is and who I really am. I am a beloved child of the King. I have victory... Loved past my faults and imperfections... And so are you! The most collosal being in all of HIStory ... Shoot, He created history... Takes time out of all He is doing to sing over me, to whisper how much He loves me, to pick me up, dust me off, kiss a booboo and lead me forward when I don't even want to be kind to myself! There must be something special about each of us, there has to be. Look at my broken son... Even he brought a message, even he changed my entire world. He is in my thoughts every minute of every day... What a little catalyst! What kind of awesome is somebody trying to keep each of us from?
I won't settle anymore.
Let's not settle anymore!
<3 U!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Some New !nk Baby Poems and other writings from 2013
Chasm
12/28/2013But the other night
I found old syringes &
Tossed them before the tears could come
All your toys piled
high
On your siblings'
bedsPhotos to flip through on my phone and computer
A thousand little memories of every thing you did
Videos of you and I
Back when I was the
luckiest mom in the world(I envy that foolish woman... She had it all and didn't even appreciate it enough! She should never have slept without you tucked up beside her, never stepped away from you one second to do anything, should have taken gazillions of photos!)
And I still recall
sometimes your gooey cheeks...
How they were chewy
like doughThere are a million stars I could count
For all the reasons I love and miss you
And not enough tears to cry
To fill this hole...
These things you left behind for me are not enough
I don't know what to
do sometimesYour absence sounds louder than God's voice
Why does He whisper so softly?
Ask Him to speak up
Ask Him to remind me
again how I didn't lose you because I was undeserving
How you weren't taken
because I failed to be sufficientTell Him I don't mean half the
swears that pop up in my head
Invasive, intrusive, unfiltered...
Tell Him I don't hate
Him
I know He is big
enough to fill the chasm...But there are days when I feel
Even this colossal, all powerful being
Isn't large enough to fill the hole
My tiny, helpless son left behind.
By: Stephanie Josiah
12/28/2013
Something deep under
the skin
Removed from its home
The cavity remembers
Walking the hall
alone
Searching for the
missing organ
Is phantom limb
possible
For the heart - now
gone?
I grind my teeth in
my sleep
Nurse the morning
migraine
Fall dead asleep in
the A.M.
To rise undead by
noon
Because it was our
Peaceful late nights
Mother and son...
Cozied up
Your heart beating on
mine that made life magic
And I still remember
That now this isn't
the world I want
This body isn't the
same
I don't want a new
heart...
Just let it bleed.
December 1, 2013
Such a difficult week has ended... The kids are very
emotional and crying about their brother, Ishypoo's, absence. I myself had an
episode on Thanksgiving... Crap sucks. Watching them cry out about their
brother, missing him day in and day out... Knowing that if I could, I would
have kept them from this kind of hurt... Knowing I've been powerless to stop
time, to stop death, to stop loss and pain.
But
We hug up, we cheer
up, we talk about Ishypoo... We talk to Ishypoo... And I even do his voice for
him (the one I always spoke for him so that we could all pretend to know his
thoughts - and I believe I guessed correctly sometimes)... And there are days
when they want me to do his voice and I wish I could just crumble into a ball
because I don't have the heart to hear myself be the voice he always had (since
it was my baby voice anyway)...
But
my kids are so worth
sucking it up and putting on my big girl mode. Do I cry? Hell yes I do! I have
nights where I'm so choked up I can't speak for fear of waking the sleeping
world.
Eyes raw, sinuses
throbbing... Head hurts and I pray-scream, "HOW UNFAIR IS THIS!!!? HE WAS
PERFECT! HE WAS OUR LITTLE GUY AND YOU TOOK HIM!!"
But
He was here BECAUSE
God put a pause on death. Because He said, "hold up death, you wait three
years... I know he suffered a brain bleed and should have died, but this family
wants to spend some time with him!" So while I'm crying and sorrowful and
angry... I'm also saying...
"but, God, thank
you for a day, and another... Then a week and another... Then a month... And
another... Then 365 days because you are good... Then another 365 days because
you are so amazingly awesome... Then another 365 days just because you
can!"
Even in our pain...
God is still GOOD! What am I thankful for? I am thankful for a God so enormous
that one day a year couldn't hold my gratitude. For a God who thought of me
before the foundations of the earth were created... For a day, for a week, for
a month, for a year, then another... Then another.... Then another. For 29
years of life I wouldn't trade with you if yours was perfect... For family and friends
that make it brighter and more loving here. For good memories and bad that will
forever shape who I am and what I stand for... For a purpose and passion in my
heart to not just live and breathe this air... But put it to good use and bless
others. I am thankful for pain because I feel it... Joy because I can't lose it
or have it stolen and for the clarity of mind to see God in even the smallest
details of life. I am truly thankful!
Another beautiful night of worship! Special thanks to the
worship team, Chris Holmes, and our very own... Len Green (reppin' the
Green-Josiah squadron)
Tonight I found my
arms open wide, thanking God aloud for everything He has done, seen and unseen.
For the blessing of life for our son... For an hour, for a day, for a week, for
a month, then a year, then another and another. One year with our son because
you are our Abba Father, one more year with our son because you are Lord and
you have the final say, one more year because you are three persons in one,
loving us and protecting us as Father, walking with us and setting examples as
Brother, and leading us as we trust as Spirit and Dearest Friend... And three
and a half more months to drive home the point that you are just plain GOOD! I
will not keep my tongue silent anymore when I should be thanking you for so
much more than even this!!! I love you Dad!
I struggled
originally, because Mom encouraged me to read it a while back. Reading a book
about a man who wrestles with losing a young child (struck home too painfully)
was a difficult read. But tonight I read the second half of the book.
I realized, though I
love God so much, that I was accusing Him of maybe not loving me or my Ishypoo
so much. Absurd as that seems... But I thought that if He could heal anyone,
how much easier would it be for Him to heal the son of two parents that believe
Him for anything and that He can do anything? I thought about the nights I
stayed up praying and begging for Ishypoo's healing and how sure I was that He
could do it and would do it.
But I realize that
bad things happen because the world is fallen. The earth, she is sick and her
sickness affects her inhabitants in various ways.
The attack on my sons
was due to that illness, not because God planned it or allowed it.
And the good He
worked through that was we got three plus years of borrowed time! Ask the
medical examiner... Our Ishypoo died of a brain hemorrhage while in utero. His
ailments while he lived stemmed from an attack that SHOULD have killed him
instantly, due to TTTS which could have killed both boys.
His survival was a
logic-busting anomaly! Our borrowed time a precious gift. He was destined to
die in my womb but we got an extension so he could teach us something about
God.
God makes no
mistakes, He is good, gives us more than we could want or deserve and we could
never imagine the great plans He has for us.
A broken boy with a
full heart can teach us a lesson, even through pain. I would press against the
walls of my understanding and scream, "make this right, Lord! You robbed
me!!!"
And He would reply,
"I am good, I didn't rob you at all... Because of me, you met your son
before he would come and join me. And because of me, I made a way for you to
let others know that I am real and I am good and I would never rob them".
God loves me
especially and He loves you especially too
Do you believe that
today?
November 14, 2013
Do not repeat the
garbage to yourself that others have said about you and if you cannot help but
to play and replay those putrid tapes.... Then drown them in words of
affirmation. Pen and paper will do... Make a list every day of your blessings
and the good things about you and the good people in your life. Every day a new
list until the world cannot make enough pen or paper to meet the need. Until all
the memory cards and hard drives are full... Until all the world is buried in
scribbled on toilet paper! But you make that list of who you REALLY ARE! And I
will do the same! I am tired of being my own worst enemy and tired of letting
Satan play old tapes. I will bury this world in letters, books, cruzer disks,
and scribbled toilet tissues of reasons why I am God's child, His loved one,
His thoughts are for me and He loves me... I will start with all He did for me
before I was even conceived and how He planned the lineage of my ancestors down
to a science... To fashion me just so!
I am tired of being
bullied by words, old and new! God uses me to speak words of life... And my
enemy tries to swallow me in words of death.
I'm making lists like
santa... I'm checking them twice! I am loved, I am His, and I know God will
crush the tongue of my accuser!!!
List and count your
blessings and don't you dare skip one!
<3 Steph
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
October 25, 2013
Woke up after having a dream that I went to visit my son,
Ishmael Jr. When I got there, I thought I heard him from a distance. Two little
boys were running around a hallway of white door frames, all open space leading
to the same continuation of nature background.
I asked myself,
"how can I tell them apart?" Their backs were turned as they played
peek-a-boo tag in and out of the doors, through and around the door frames in
circles... Even despite the stirrings of a group of little girls running by
with flowers.
I get closer, noticing
how both boys are equally strong, both have curly hair, and both could pass for
age ten. Closer still, they haven't slowed down enough for me to catch their
faces. All I know is that my son might be one of two of the fastest kids in
this floral-halled field...
I turn to people
beside me, they are paying attention to me (I guess they sensed I was just
passing through) and I showed them a picture of my son and said, "have you
seen him?" And they pointed to one of the boys. I held up the picture of
my fragile son, next to the game of tag that was ahead of me and I smiled. He
isn't fragile anymore, he is perhaps ten now and he is certainly living it up,
running and playing, stalking and pouncing... He has so much bottled up energy
that they take him to an endless field to run some of that off LOL. No more
wheel chairs, no more medicines, seizures, or doctors... Just 100% wild child
boy.
And before I could
reach him, his siblings wake me up.
Then I'm back to this
side of Heaven. It isn't easy having a major part of your heart elsewhere...
But that visit was awesome and I hope I get to peek in again!
<3 u Ishypoo! Don't slow
down, keep them on their toes! Your spirit had to slow down enough when you
were visiting with us.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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